hobovampire:

veronox:

hungarian:

testicles are actually filled with candy so hit them really hard with bats

dont do this

you just want all the candy for yourself don’t you

bats are too soft so use an armadillo

(via demondog)

Confess, tell lies, anything, just don’t spam me with weight loss products.  I only weigh 107.

(Source: askpillow, via demondog)

So, my friend’s in front of me, we’re standing in the checkout line at the liquor store.  Appropos of nothing she suddenly blurts out “Wow!  Your hair looks so nice when you wash it.”

So I told her how nice her face looks when she FINALLY gets around to washing her ass.

neuroticdad:

Dear Media Whores,

Guess what I’m going to ask you? That’s right. Please stop exploiting the Sandy Hook shooting. For example, CNN: if I see Anderson Cooper’s “concerned face” one more time I am going to hurl. Or Gawker, which keeps running non-stories.

Perhaps you believe that you’re just…

Get your daily laughgasm here for FREE!!!

(Source: sallyintheskywithdiamonds, via demondog)

Not that there ever was before.  Does Xandrah’s 3D live on?  Slapped any nice butts lately?  :-p  I’ll be watching but violated parole so I’ll only be around for a few days. 

Sid

Fine.  With.  Me.